JOHN LAURINAITIS VS. JOHN CENA

 

John Laurinaitis is the General Manager of both Raw and Smackdown at this time. He brought back Brock Lesnar to be the new face of WWE and legitimize the company. He beat down Cena at Extreme Rules but took the (unnecessary) loss in the match, he broke Triple H’s arm for questioning his big-money contract. This led to John Laurinaitis making himself Cena’s next PPV opponent. Oh boy, Lord Tensai had also been introduced and Laurinaitus used him to soften up Cena before the match leading to a decision by WWE’s Board of Directors to add that the match must be won by pinfall or submission, and anyone that interferes in the match will be fired by WWE.

 

There was a CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan match on this card, this is the main event. Anyway, Jerry ”The King” Lawler, Michael Cole and Booker T are on commentary for this disaster, I mean match.

The former Johnny Ace makes his way out and Cole almost ruins the finish “until the end… erm, if it is the end, I support Laurinaitus” Oops. He’s not wrestled in 10 years at this point, he has to wait a little longer for Cena to make his way out. He tells the cameraman at the top of the ramp that it will be fun and sprints to the ring. Credit to Cole for being able to call the Dynamic Dudes “one of the greatest tag teams of all time” without cracking up though.

JOHN LAURINAITUS VS. JOHN CENA

WWE Over the Limit 2010 (20^th May 2012)

  Cena’s amused by Johnny Ace’s attire, Laurinaitis tries to bail as the bell rings but is brought back in the ring. John Cena catches a kick and lays Laurinaitus out with a clothesline. Cole again… “he’s still your boss until he loses” Cena covers Laurinaitus’ head with his underarmour and connects with chops, one to the chest and another to the back. Cena goes oldschool with an airplane spin and lets Laurinaitus drop to the mat. He gets to his feet but he’s dizzy and falls out of the ring. Cena rings the bell next to Laurinaitus’ ear before sending him into the announce table as Cole asks Laurinaitis if he’s OK before calling him ugly. Laurinaitis is put in one of the Spanish Announcer’s chairs and Cena calls a match with him for a moment. Laurinaitis is sent into the monitor before Cena brings it back into the ring. Michael Cole says something I agree with, that Cena should end the match for our sake if nothing else. 

  Anyway, Laryngitus is getting to his feet offering a handshake, Cena gets advice from the crowd and slaps Laurinaitis in the face before slamming him, Cena hits a running elbow drop and grabs a microphone. He tells Laurinaitis he’s going to put on an STF, if Johnny taps out he’s fired and Cena’s gonna hold it for 10 seconds, asking the crowd to count along. LAURINAITIS LASTS THE 10 SECONDS! John Cena says the bad news is he’s going to do it again and Laurinaitis is able to hold on again so Cena goes to get a bottle of water, bringing some over for Johnny Ace too. He pours 3 bottles over John Laurinaitis, 2 over the head, and another on his crotch. John Cena grabs a fire extinguisher, teasing emptying it over Johnny Ace for a while before actually doing it, causing Laurinaitus to run out to the floor. Laurinaitis is sent into the security wall before Cena empties a trash can over him. Laurinaitis tries to escape through the crowd, John Cena goes to bring him back but John Laurinaitis finally gets some offense. (Quick note, I left this as one paragraph in my word document until he did so, I was starting to lose hope.)

 Laurinaitis thinks he’s got a chance now so he climbs back over to ringside and sends Cena’s arm into the announce table. Cena is sent into the ring steps before Laurinaitus shoves Cena back in the ring. Laurinaitis brings a chair with him and lays into Cena’s back before covering for a nearfall. John Laurinaitis got the first nearfall of the match. John Cena blocks a chair shot and takes out Laurinaitus’ knee. He does the “You can’t see me” taunt and uses the chair instead of the Five Knuckle Shuffle. John Laurinaitis cuts him off with a low blow which Cole excitedly tells us is legal as if we haven’t just seen chair shots. Laurinaitis tries to escape through the crowd again. Cena’s still in the ring as Johnny Ace makes it through the curtain. Laurinaitis is brought back by Big Show! Laurinaitis fired Big Show last week, so there are no repercussions for entering the match. Usually, there’s the obvious event security comment, but in Big Show’s case, I’ll let them slide.

  Big Show brings Laurinaitus back in the ring, he tries to crawl away but Big Show steps on his hand. He’s going nowhere. John Laurinaitis runs into a goozle by Big Show and begs for mercy. Big Show shoves Laurinaitus into an Attitude Adjustment, but Big Show hits Cena with the WMD whilst he has Laurinaitis in the fireman’s carry. John Laurinaitis crawls over to  Cena as slowly as possible and covers for the win.

WINNER: JOHN LAURINAITUS

This match wasn’t as bad as I expected, although it isn’t saying much. It went too long and a lot of it was stupid and not needed, especially in the main event and above the Punk/Bryan match. But it went as you would expect, including the “recently fired wrestler gets to the ring” trope. [*] 1.5/10