DR. STEVIE VS. ABYSS (No Disqualification)

   I noticed that Dr. Stevie had a tag on my blog without competing in a match, and it didn’t sit right with me. Also, due to how irregular these reviews have been, I’ve added in some punishment matches for next week. See if you notice them.

  Before the match, Jeremy Borash is backstage with Dr. Stevie Richards and Daffney. Borash goes over what Dr. Stevie has done to Abyss and asks if it’s a good idea  for Stevie to face Abyss. Stevie says Abyss is like a pain he’s been working on for a decade. Dr. Stevie says he is making the match no disqualification in one of those “wrestler turns temporary booker moments”. Daffney tells Dr. Stevie she loves him and he says he knows. Probably the best response to not muddy the therapist/patient relationship.

  We get a video package for the match recapping Abyss and Dr. Stevie in therapy and the feud before Dr. Stevie makes his way out. Abyss gets a pop from the Impact Zone, and he’s wearing a new ring gear, according to Tenay. This was when Abyss started wearing a hood in Florida weather for no reason. Dr. Stevie leaves the ring and runs around ringside as Abyss chases him.

Mike Tenay & Don West are on commentary for this match, and Jeremy Borash is our ring announcer.

DR. STEVIE VS. ABYSS (No Disqualification)

TNA Victory Road 2009 (19th July 2009)

  They both get back in the ring and Dr Stevie grabs a baton out of his boot. A telescopic slapjack, according to Don West. Oh, for those that remember, it was the heel Don West era.

  Dr Stevie goes after Abyss’ knee before choking Abyss with it. Abyss gets ti gis feet as Stevie keeps hitting him with the baton. Dr Stevie climbs to the middle turnbuckle, but Abyss shoves him down before Stevie runs into his big boot and rolls back to ringside. Abyss follows Dr. Stevie up the ramp and knocks him down with a right hand. Abyss sends Richards into the guard rail before sending him back into the ring. Stevie gets to his feet and starts attacking Abyss as he gets back into the ring, Dr. Stevie can’t irish whip Abyss as the big man plants his feet. Abyss no sells a kick to the midsection and a series of overhand chops, Dr. Stevie hits the ropes and runs into Abyss’ hand, knocking him down. Abyss sends Dr. Stevie over the top rope, Stevie tries to make an escape through the crowd but Abyss catches up to him and connects with more right hands. Dr. Stevie is brought down the bleachers by his hair.

  Dr. Stevie gets a shot in at Abyss’ midsection but he gets sent into the wall as his irish whip is reversed. Abyss does a stupid clapping thing as he gets cheered. The crowd chants one more time and Abyss sends Stevie into the wall again. Abyss sends Dr. Stevie back to ringside, bouncing his head off the ringsteps which is enough to bust him open. That’s going to ruin the Dr’s white attire. Abyss hits Stevie’s head off the steps some more before bringing it back into the ring. Abyss rips Stevie’s shirt off and connects with overhand chops in the corner. Abyss brings a chair into play and wedges it between the top and middle rope. Dr Stevie is sent into the chair, head first. Abyss hits Dr. Stevie with the Shock Treatment. He covers but he lifts Stevie’s shoulder up at 2. Daffney runs down the ramp with a taser; the former Steven Richards hits a low blow on Abyss in the ring.    Daffney throws the taser into the ring, but Lauren, the interview girl is here too! (She’s Abyss’ girlfriend, because why not?) She brings Daffney down from the apron, ducks a clothesline and shoves Daffney into the steel steps. Dr. Stevie crawls to the taser as Lauren goes to check on Abyss.

  Dr. Stevie decides he wants a running start to get Abyss with the taser, but he gets caught in a Black Hole Slam. Abyss tases Dr Stevie; smoke comes off his skin as commentary talk about how much it burns, and that’s enough for the win.

WINNER: ABYSS

This isn’t the best time in Abyss’ TNA career, yet I seem to be drawn to it with my reviews. The match itself wasn’t terrible, they used the fail-proof formula of let Abyss dominate, and there were a few weapons to make the stipulation worthwhile. I’m not sure the women added much except setting up the finish, but it didn’t take away anything either. [**] 3/10

THE JAMES GANG VS TEAM 3D (BINGO HALL BRAWL)

   On the preshow, Team 3D not only went looking for the James Gang, but found them near the end.

The opening video to the event focuses on the King of the Mountain match, which is tonight’s main event. It’s been a yearly match since 2nd June 2004 (on a weekly PPV) and then moving to Slammiversary show the previous year. Christian Cage is defending his NWA World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Jarrett, Ron Killings, Abyss, and Sting.

  Mike Tenay &Don West are on commentary for this match, and Jeremy Borash is our ring announcer. Tenay and West have just enough time to welcome us to the show before we see the James Gang being sent out of the tunnel by Team 3D. Referee Slick Johnson is following them to the ring. He’s dressed like an oldschool referee for the event, with a blue shirt and bow tie.

JAMES GANG VS. TEAM 3D (Bingo Hall Brawl)

TNA Slammiversary 2006 (18th June 2006)

  Brother Ray starts throwing chairs in the ring as Brother Devon keeps the James Gang at bay with right hands. Team 3D rolls their opponents into the ring as the fans are chanting for tables. Wrestling fans are never happy.

  Kip James hits Bully Ray in the midsection with the top of a chair and hits him across the back with the chair. Brother Ray fires up but misses the clothesline. BG James is back in the ring. He throws a chair to Brother Ray, who catches it, holding it up for Kip James to take a swing. “Lucky he got the chair up” - Mike Tenay. I hate to argue with the Professor, but I’m not sure “lucky” is an accurate word there. Kip James covers for 2. Brother Devon starts swinging the kendo stick, and that puts Team 3D back in control. BG James ducks a right hand. He connects with his jab combination, but Devon ducks the final punch and hits BG with another kendo stick shot. Brother Ray sends Kip James off the ropes, but he ducks early and gets kicked. Brother Ray finally gets a move in beyond the prematch brawl, lifting Kip James for a back suplex as Devon assists with a neckbreaker. Brother Devon covers for 2.

  Don West comes out with a classic on commentary. “If you were expecting conventional wrestling in this match, you’re not gonna get it!” Brother Ray also swings the kendo stick at the ring post as BG James drops from the apron to the floor. Team 3D follow the James Gang out of the ring, Brother Devon sends BG’s head into the guardrail before they brawl into the crowd. The fans chant “over here” as BG James sends Devon into the Spanish Announce Table, which is placed on a platform in the crowd, and is also LAX’s area. (Added note, by this point it was the LAX that we would all know in TNA, Homicide and Hernandez. They jump Brother Devon, BG James fist bumps Konnan, his old 3 Live Kru team mate, before getting knocked down. LAX attack BG James too, before sending him and Devon over to the entrance ramp. Brother Ray has set up 4 chairs at ringside. He places a section of the guardrail across it like a platform, and then he gets attacked from behind by Kip James. Kip knocks BG onto the ramp, and a right hand knocks Brother Ray back towards the platform. Kip James charges and gets hip-tossed onto the guardrail.

  We switch back to BG James as he jumps from the ring steps over the guardrail, and onto Brother Devon. Brother Ray makes the save, and Team 3D brawl through the crowd with BG James. Devon takes him up the steps of the bleachers. It looks like Brother Ray knew where they were going; he went up the other side. Fans have been holding up their chairs for Team 3D to use. Team 3D sends BG James between them like the old video game Pong before Brother Ray finally obliges, sending BG James into two fans’ chairs. Kip James runs through the crowd. He hits Brother Ray with a weak trash-can-lid shot at first, then goes to town. Either he brought 2, and I didn’t notice, or BG James went and found one too, because he also has a trash can lid. Kip decides his partner can have both. The James Gang have full control as Kip sends Brother Ray over to the entrance ramp; they really like that location in this match. BG James is using the trash can lids to knock Devon back towards ringside as West mentions that he has to be careful of the crowd.

  Brother Ray throws a trash can full of weapons into the ring, he and Kip James roll in first, BG James gets to the apron, but Devon catches him up and grabs a crutch from ringside. I presume it fell out of Brother Ray’s toy box. Brother Ray chokes Kip James with a bra. Yep, that’s seriously something I had to type for a wrestling review. Brother Ray has a cheese grater, which is genuinely a much more normal weapon. Kip James cuts Brother Ray off with a low blow but his Stinger Splash makes him hit the cheese grater. Brother Ray hits BG James with a trash can lid as he gets close to the ring before he grinds the grater on Kip James’ forehead. BG James and Brother Devon hit each other with a trash can lid at the same time so everyone’s down. Brother Ray slams BG James in position, Brother Devon goes to the top rope and hits the WAZZUP! Headbutt, BG James was able to put a trash can lid in the way at the last second!

  Brother Devon headbutted the trash can lid, but BG James didn’t come out of it unscathed, either. Brother Ray places the trash can lid over BG’s crotch and hits it with a golf club. Brother Ray grabs a trash can, but Kip James cuts him off before he can use it. Kip James hits the Fameasser on the trash can and covers. Brother Ray gets his shoulder up! Kip James knocks Devon back into the corner and hits him in the head with a cookie sheet to “this is awesome” chants. I need to do a TNA marathon, making that a drinking game. Anyway, Brother Ray hits Kip James across the back with a kendo stick, Team 3D hits the Doomsday Device, Devon covers, but only gets 2. Brother Ray shoves Devon… 1,2,3  “GET THE TABLES!” Brother Devon accepts his mission, bringing a table into the ring. The fans are now chanting “we want fire” so do you see what I mean? BG James is stirring, and he has a cookie sheet in his hand. He hits Brother Ray, but Brother Devon blocks it and hits BG with a right hand. Brother Devon sends BG James into the corner and he takes the Sgt. Slaughter bump over the corner post.

Kip James goes for his Cobra Clutch slam that he was using at the time (calling it the Missouri boat ride, according to Mike Tenay). Brother Devon fights out of it. Team 3D hit the 3D, and Devon covers for the win.

WINNERS: TEAM 3D

 This was a pefectly good brawl, there was a good variety of weapons used, and they didn’t waste any of the just over 10 minutes they had in the match. It’s the New Age Outlaws against The Dudley Boyz with a few years added on. I think the cheese grater is something that Bully Ray never used in WWE, though. [***] /10

  After the match, Brother Ray grabs the microphone, saying that the James Gang know that’s how it should be done. Mike Tenay and Don West can finally run down the rest of the card.

MARK HENRY VS. TERRY FUNK

Mark Henry makes his way out, with his Nation of Domination stablemates’ names flashing behind him in his video as he walks to the ring. Terry Funk makes his way out, giving up an easy 100lbs to his opponent

Jim Ross, Jerry “The King” Lawler, & Mr. McMahon are on commentary for this match. Tony Chimel is our ring announcer.

GOLDBERG © VS. TERRY FUNK

Monday Night Raw (1st June 1998)

  Terry Funk plays keep-away before locking up with Henry, backing him into the ropes and chopping Henry’s chest. Terry Funk hits a neckbreaker for 2, as Henry powers out of the cover. It looked like Mark Henry dropped early on the neckbreaker there. McMahon is saying that he wants to see a version of the Undertaker that mangles his opponents again as Funk sets up for another neckbreaker, instead mule kicking Henry in the balls. Terry Funk goes back to chopping Mark Henry as he’s backed against the ropes. Mark Henry reverses an irish whip and knocks The Funker down with a clothesline. He runs the ropes for an elbow drop and that connects too. Mark Henry beats down Funk in the corner, sending him into the top turnbuckle and sends him out to the floor. Terry Funk starts to fight back with right hands, and he sends Henry’s forehead into the top of the guardrail.

  Mark Henry catches a Vader bomb attempt and runs Terry Funk’s kidneys into the ring post. Mark Henry is sent into the ring steps before Terry Funk grabs a steel chair. He gets to use it on the top of Mark Henry’s head. Terry Funk hits an Asai moonsault, but he hits the guardrail on his way down. We get a replay as the action is back in the ring. Terry Funk headbutts Mark Henry, he ducks a clothesline but runs into a shoulder block, knocking Funk down. Mark Henry splashes Funk and covers for 2. A slam from Mark Henry also gets 2. Mark Henry hits a standing leg drop, but Funk kicks out at 2 again. Terry Funk catches Henry in a small package for 2. Mark Henry powerbombs Terry Funk and another running Splash for the win.

WINNER: MARK HENRY

This was a servicable, short match. Mark Henry was still green, so it was a smart move putting him in there with the veteran, Terry Funk. He took Henry’s spots and transformed them into a match. This is worth a watch as the full 1998 King of the Ring tournament is on YouTube.  [*1/2] 3.25/10

TRIPLE H (C) VS. RANDY ORTON (WWE CHAMPIONSHIP)

   Earlier in the night, we had a sit-down interview with Randy Orton, who talked about his 6-month title reign and the people he beat, including Triple H. He also goes for the classic “I know you are, but what am I?” against Triple H, who called him lucky. This was just over a year before WWE officially went PG, but they were preparing us for it. Randy Orton says he will get his title back and reclaim the Age of Orton.

  Triple H eliminated Orton from the Fatal 4 Way elimination match at Backlash the previous month. Randy Orton had a rematch the following night on Raw, but it was interrupted by General Manager William Regal. He said that the rematch would instead be at Judgment Day in a Steel Cage.

Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler are on commentary for this match, and Lillian Garcia is our ring announcer.

  We get a video package for the short story going into the match before Randy Orton makes his entrance. Triple H made his way out to a decent pop as the babyface champion. 6 ½ minutes into the match we get Super Important in-ring introductions. Mike Chioda is our referee. The match can be won by pinfall, submission, or escaping the cage.

TRIPLE H © VS. RANDY ORTON (WWE Championship - Steel Cage) 

WWE Judgment Day 2008 (18th May 2008)

  Randy Orton dives for the cage, but Triple H catches him, connecting with right hands. Randy Orton swings the cage door back into Triple H’s head, which is enough for the door to be locked. Randy Orton connects with right hands.

  Triple H is given a tour of the ring before he cuts off Orton with a knee to the midsection. Triple H gets some right hands in, Orton fights back with some of his own, and a knee to Triple H’s midsection puts Orton back on top. Orton is sent off the ropes, he ducks a clothesline but not the Harley Race-like knee from Triple H. Both men block an attempt at being sent into the cage, Triple H sends Orton into the steel first, which gives the challenger a head start to climb the cage. Triple H catches Orton, but gets knocked down with a right hand. Orton ducks too early after sending Triple H off the ropes and gets hit with a neckbreaker for 2. Triple H connects with mounted punches as JR reminds us how handsome Randy Orton is. Triple H hits the knee drop for another 2. Orton pulls Triple H into the cage, before the world’s worst move catapults the champion into the cage for the second straight time. We see that Orton has a busted lip as he stalks Triple H during the replays, launching him between the ropes and the cage wall.

  Randy Orton uses the cage as a weapon as Triple H is trapped. Chioda backs Orton off, which gives Triple H time to connect with a boot to the midsection. Randy Orton hits the draping DDT for 2. He chokes Triple H before raining down right hands. Triple H is dropped with a measured right hand, but he kicks out at 1. Randy Orton goes to the chinlock but Triple H gets to his feet and fights out with shots to the ribs. Orton reverses an irish whip and hits the powerslam, Orton takes a short breather before getting the cover, Triple H kicks out at 2. Randy Orton stomps Triple H’s limbs as he walks around. William Regal is watching this match from somewhere in the crowd. Randy Orton hits a knee drop, he covers for 2. Orton goes back to the cover immediately, which again gets 2. Randy Orton stomps Triple H like he’s on commission, but Triple H rolls out of the way of the knee drop. Randy Orton connects with right hands as they get to their feet, but Triple H slips out the back and chop blocks Orton.

  Triple H cuts Orton down with another chop block and puts him in the Figue 4 Leglock, due to their shared history with Ric Flair in Evolution. Triple H drags Orton to the middle of the ring, Randy Orton changes direction to make it to the bottom rope and for some reason the referee starts to count for Triple H to break. Triple H counters an RKO into a Pedigree attempt but Randy Orton backdrops out of it. Randy Orton crawls towards the cage door, but Triple H is able to grab him by the ankle and bring him back into the match. Orton kicks Triple H away and crawls the top half of himself back out of the cage. Orton grabs a steel chair, bringing it into the cage before the door is closed behind them. Triple H is sent into the middle turnbuckle, but he gets his boot up before Orton can connect with the chair. Randy Orton drops the chair after a right hand from Triple H, Randy Orton reverses an irish whip but is caught with the facebuster across the knee for 2.

  Triple H stands over Randy Orton with the chair, but he gets cut off with a low blow. JR makes sure to remind us that they’re both as legal as a chinlock in this match. Randy Orton has the chair back, and he measures up his old mentor before hitting him across the back with the chair. Orton drops the weapon and hits a DDT on Triple H, onto the steel chair. Randy Orton covers, 1, 2, no! Orton stands the chair in the ring and measures up Triple H. The champion counters an RKO, sending Orton into the cage wall before sending him into the chair with a drop toehold for 2. Randy Orton climbs the cage after we see his face hit the chair again. Triple H catches him up, grabbing Orton by the tights before meeting him on the top rope. Triple H sends Orton’s head into the top of the cage, dropping him down to the mat and the champion straddles the top of the cage before Orton brings him back inside. Randy Orton connects with right hands as they balance on the top rope, Triple H drops to the canvas and he’s now playing catch-up to Orton.

  Randy Orton can’t get his last leg over the cage before Triple H starts bringing him back to the ring. Triple H sends Orton off the top off the cage as they stand on the top rope but Orton lands near the corner. He shakes off the cobwebs and meets Triple H back on the top rope, Triple H sets up a Pedigree from the top rope (which I’m sure has nothing to do with CM Punk at this point in his WWE career), but Orton drives Triple H into the corner of the cage. Randy Orton throws Triple H back down to the canvas, and the cameraman has to retreat so we see Orton climb over the top of the cage. Triple H climbs up the inside of the cage and gets to Orton before he can safely drop to the floor. Randy Orton is dragged over the top of the cage in a front facelock; he hangs freely in a spot WWE wouldn’t repeat for at least a few years before Triple H brings him back inside the cage. Randy Orton connects with a back elbow, dropping Triple H back inside the ring. He jumps to the top of the cage again, but Triple H grabs Orton by the ankle. Orton knocks Triple H back, but the champion crotches Orton over the top rope.

  Randy Orton runs into a Spinebuster, but he counters the Pedigree, sending Triple H’s back into the chair and buying some time. Triple H is able to avoid the Punt Kick, and he hits Randy Orton with the steel chair. Triple H hits the Pedigree for the win.

WINNER: TRIPLE H STILL (WWE Champion)

 This was a decent enough match. Randy Orton just wanted to win the match, so he was happy to try to escape when he thought he had the chance. Triple H wanted to prove he was a worthy champion, so he tried to get a pinfall or submission victory. They knew each other well enough to have a 1970s-style cage match, but bring it to the 21st Century. [***1/2] 7.5/10

After the match, Triple H celebrates retaining his title on top of the cage.

TEAM 3D VS. CURRY MAN & SHARKBOY (Fish Market Street Fight)

 Before the match, Earl Hebner reminds Team 3D that if they don’t make weight tonight then they lose their jobs in TNA. Brother Ray asks the crowd in Virginia if they want Team 3D to lose their jobs, which is shown not to be the smartest move for a heel. Brother Devon is first and he makes weight, meaning this storyline is finally over for him. Brother Ray steps on the scales, looking nervous. He gets the thumbs up too. Don West calls it a crock, but it’s enough for Johnny Devine to reward them with candy. This is also during the "Stone Cold" Sharkboy timeline for those who remember that.

Mike Tenay and Don West are on commentary for this match, and Jeremy Borash is our ring announcer.

TEAM 3D VS. CURRY MAN & SHARKBOY (Fish Market Street Fight) 

TNA Destination X 2008 (9th March 2008)

Brian Hebner asks for the bell as Curry Man and Sharkboy get stereo roll-ups. Team 3D kick out, and they split off. Curry Man connects with right hands to Devon, and across the ring, Sharkboy is attacking Brother Ray.

  Sharkboy stomps on Brother Ray in the corner as Brother Devon reverses an irish whip, Devon is sent sternum-first into the turnbuckle. Curry Man sets him up and hits the running hip attack. Spicy Sharks (as I’m going to call them for this review and then completely forget about) hit a double back drop and double dropkick to send Brother Ray out to the floor. Team 3D tries to walk out of the match, and who can blame them? Spicy Sharks cut them off, Devon is sent by the side of the ramp towards the crowd, Curry Man sends Ray’s head off the Fish Market stall. Sharkboy grabs a fish from a different stall and Team 3D are selling shots from a fish. Don West is naming some of the species fish used, and I’m strangely impressed. Brother Devon finally gets some offense in, hitting Sharkboy with an uppercut. We get a split-screen as Curry Man brings a fishing rod into the ring. He puts one of the snacks from earlier, and it’s enough to catch Brother Ray.

  We get 3 calls from Tenay and West talking about Brother Ray’s size. The guy made weight! Brother Devon is sent into the guardrail, and Curry Man sends Ray back to the floor for a slingshot crossbody. Brother Ray uses cheap tactics to swing the momentum, raking at Curry Man’s eyes and back before hitting him from behind. Curry Man traps Brother Ray in a fishing net, forcing Brother Ray to kiss a fish. The number of things I’ve typed for this match that I would never imagine having to… Anyway, Devon seems to have the advantage over Sharkboy across the arena, as Don West tells us. Curry Man dances on the ring steps but runs into a backdrop into a fish stall. Sharkboy gets sent into the guardrail, Brother Ray throws fish at Curry Man before throwing some into the crowd, who throw them back. “The fish are flying, at Destination X” - Mike Tenay.

  Brother Ray has a fish in each hand as Brother Devon sets up a table, Ray bites into one of the fish before throwing them at the announce team. One goes into the crowd and gets sent back at Brother Ray as Sharkboy appears to make the save. Johnny Devine hits Sharkboy with the kendo stick. Sharkboy is dragged up the entranceway, Devine puts a net over him and puts him in the boston crab (yeah, seriously) as Devon brings Curry Man into the ring. Brother Devon hits a spinning back elbow as Brother Ray brings a fish into the ring. Brother Ray kisses the fish before hitting Curry Man in the groin with it. Curry Man is set up in the Tree of Woe, Brother Ray hits him in the balls with an oar, Brother Devon follows up with a fishing pole to Curry Man’s pole.

  For those who don’t know, Curry Man is the gimmick used by Christopher Daniels in Japan, which he brought to TNA after “winning” the Fired case in Feast or Fired. The crowd chants for tables but Team 3D go to the top rope on opposite sides of the ring. Curry Man avoids both dives as Sharkboy sneaks up to the top turnbuckle, Sharkboy takes Team 3D down with a double clothesline! Sharkboy knocks Brother Devon down, then sends him off the ropes into a backdrop. Bully Ray’s right hand is blocked, Sharkboy knocks him back to the ropes, Brother Ray reverses the irish whip but is caught with a Lou Thesz press. Brother Devon knocks Sharkboy down to cut off his momentum. He botches a Saving Grace with Curry Man, but hits it the second time for a 2 count. Sharkboy and Devine brawl at ringside, but it doesn’t last long. Brother Devon climbs to the top rope as Ray slams Curry Man in place, the fans chant for tables again, but those dastardly heels, Team 3D aren’t giving us what we want.

  Sharkboy knocks Devon to the mat with, you guessed it, a fish. Curry Man rolls through as Sharkboy heads to the middle rope with the fish. Curry Man hits a cross-body from the top rope on Brother Devon, and it only gets 2. Sharkboy hits a neckbreaker which West calls a Stunner, whatever it is, Sharkboy gets a 2 count from it. Brother Ray is sent into the turnbuckle across from Devon, they get sent into each other and Spicy Sharks hit stereo facebusters for nearfalls.Tornado DDTs get another close nearfall, Brother Ray sends Curry Man over to the floor early into the 10 punches in the corner, which means he can cut off Sharkboy. Team 3D hit the Doomsday Device 1, 2, 2.99, Sharkboy kicks out! Curry Man hits Brother Ray with a trash can, Johnny Devine is in the ring with some white powder, he gets Curry Man’s attention, but Curry Man ducks the powder, sending it into Bully Ray’s eyes. Sharkboy hits a Stunner on Devine before Curry Man sends him over the top, through the table from early in the match.

  They celebrate getting rid of Devine, but Brother Devon spoils the fun with a double clothesline, running through them. Devon gets Brother Ray’s attention and tries to send Currry Man into the ropes, but the irish whip is reversed. Curry Man and a blinded Brother Ray hit the 3D on Devon, Sharkboy scrambles over for the win.

WINNERS: SPICY SHARKS

 This match has the reputation for being one of the worst gimmicks in TNA history. It’s hard not to agree, why the hell were fish considered serious weapons? It could have been fun, but it took too long, and it was hard to suspend disbelief that much. [*] 1/10

THE ROCK (C) VS. KEN SHAMROCK

 Tennessee Lee is in the ring, and he introduces Gennifer Flowers and Jeff Jarrett. The Rock makes his way out first, with Kama, D’Lo Brown, and Mark Henry closely following. We see Ken Shamrock taking a brutal chair shot directly to the face, a couple of weeks previously, on Raw. 6 nights previously, it was Farooq who was hit with a chair by The Rock, which may explain his absence for this match. Ken Shamrock makes his way out.

Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler are on commentary for this match, our ring announcer

THE ROCK © VS. KEN SHAMROCK (WWF Intercontinental Championship) 

WWF WrestleMania 14 (29th March 1998)

  Ken Shamrock wastes no time, knocking Rock down with a right hand. The Rock is sent off the ropes, he ducks the clotheslines but not the kick, The Rock is sent over the top to the floor.

  The Rock tries to walk out of the match, but Shamrock follows him up the ramp and takes him over by the stage and the crowd. Shamrock sends Rock into the guard rail on his way back to the ring to break the count. The momentary breather gives The Rock a chance to fight back with right hands. The Rock tries to send Shamrock into the steps, but it’s blocked and countered. Ken Shamrock brings it back into the ring. The Rock reverses an irish whip, but Shamrock explodes out of the corner with a clothesline. Another clothesline knocks The Rock down, Shamrock connects with a hook kick and mounted punches. The Rock drags Shamrock through the ropes to the floor and sends him into the ring steps. Back in the ring, The Rock slams Shamrock and hits the People’s Elbow for 2.

  Ken Shamrock sends The Rock into the ropes, Rocky ducks a clothesline but Shamrock sidesteps him and sends the champion over to the floor. Shamrock leaves the ring too and knocks The Rock down with a clothesline and throws him back into the ring, Ken Shamrock grabs the timekeeper's chair and argues with the referee before shoving him. The Rock picks up the chair and hits Shamrock in the face again. The Rock covers, 1,2, no! Ken Shamrock has found His Zone. he connects with right hands and sends The Rock off the ropes into a back elbow and a jumping leg lariat. Ken Shamrock sends The Rock across the ring, he runs into a powerslam, but The Rock kicks out at 2. The replay of The Rock’s chairshot to Shamrock means that we miss the Belly to Belly suplex, which sets up the Ankle Lock. The Rock taps out, but Ken Shamrock refuses to release the hold. 

WINNER: THE ROCK via Disqualification (STILL WWF Intercontinental Champion)

 This was an angle disguised as a match, with the tension between The Rock and Farooq boiling over whilst Ken Shamrock gets a taste of the Intercontinental Championship. [STARS] /10

After the match, Ken Shamrock takes out the members of the Nation of Domination, he goes back to the Ankle Lock on The Rock and Farooq runs out, but stops on the apron before returning to the back. A crowd of referees and office staff run out to the ring, Ken Shamrock attacks anything that moves as The Rock is stretchered out.

  Howard Finkel announces that the referee has reversed his decision due to Ken Shamrock not releasing the Ankle Lock, and The Rock retains the WWF Intercontinental Championship. Ken Shamrock sprints to the top of the ramp, attacking The Rock and throwing him from the stretcher before posing with the belt.

SGT. SLAUGHTER (C) VS. HULK HOGAN

 Howard Finkel brings out our celebrities for the main event. I’ll let you know how Americans knew them in 1991. Alex Trebek was an announcer on CBS in the early 60’s before moving to game shows from 1973 onwards. Regis Philiban is a television and radio personality, also for the previous 30 years. Recently on talk shows.

  In researching what I’ve already covered on this show, I see the celebrities got some interview time before the Dino Bravo vs Texas Tornado match (here).

  We also got a recap of the evil Middle Eastern sympathiser Sgt. Slaughter burning Hulk Hogan merchandise, but I bet Hogan still got his royalties. Hulk Hogan also got a promo with “Mean” Gene Okerlund before this match, where he says he’s done a 360. So he’s back where he began? That sounds like Hogan, to be honest.

Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, and guest Regis Phillibin are on commentary for this match, Alex Trebek is our ring announcer, and Mary Maples is our guest timekeeper. It’s even the first thing mentioned in Maples’ career, but she is also known as being one of WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump’s ex-wives.

SGT. SLAUGHTER © VS. HULK HOGAN (WWF Championship) 

WWF WrestleMania VII (24th March 1991)

SGT. SLAUGHTER © VS. HULK HOGAN(WWF Championship) 

WWF WrestleMania VII (24th March 1991)

  Hulk Hogan chases Slaughter and Adnan around ringside at the bell, Sgt. Slaughter talks some trash as he has the WWF Championship around his waist. Slaughter takes his time as the fans chant for Hogan. They lock up and jockey for position, the referee breaks them up in the corner but they go right back to it. Slaughter has the advantage in the corner, but Hulk Hogan shoves the champion across the ring.

  Sergeant Slaughter complains about a hair pull, which isn’t impossible but is unlikely. Hogan works a headlock until he gets sent off the ropes. Neither man budges as they collide with shoulder tackles. Slaughter drops down as Hogan hits the ropes, Hulk Hogan knocks Slaughter over with a shoulder tackle. General Adnan brings Slaughter to the floor. Hulk Hogan follows and strikes at Slaughter. General Adnan hits Hogan from behind and gets caught in Hogan’s grasp. Sgt. Slaughter hits Hogan with a steel chair to the back. Hogan brings Slaughter back into the ring with a finger wag and a head shake. Sgt. Slaughter begs off in the corner and catches Hogan with an eye rake. Slaughter measures Hogan with right hands and he sends Hogan’s head into the turnbuckle. Slaughter sends Hogan off the ropes into a back elbow, a closed fist hits Hogan as he’s shielded from the ref’s view in a headlock. Sgt. Slaughter uses a knee drop to Hogan’s arm in an oldschool move that I miss. Hulk Hogan rolls out of the way of an elbow drop, he connects with three right hands and drops Slaughter with a clothesline. General Adnan is dropped from the apron, Hogan knocks Slaughter back into the corner.

Hulk Hogan follows Slaughter across the ring with a running attack and hits an atomic drop for 2. Sgt. Slaughter goes back to the outside, but Hogan rakes his back before bringing the match back into the ring. Hulk Hogan sends Slaughter off the ropes into a forearm for 2. Hulk Hogan sends Slaughter’s head into the turnbuckles, Slaughter is sent across the ring into the turnbuckles and staggers out into a backdrop. Hulk Hogan sends Sgt. Slaughter into the corner and he clears the turnbuckles for the ring post. A slingshot sends Sgt. Slaughter into the ring post again, busting him open. Hulk Hogan attacks the open wound with right hand. Hulk Hogan sends the champion into the corner and follows him with a clothesline. Hulk Hogan connects with the 10 punches in the corner and sends the champion into the turnbuckles again, covering for 2. General Adnan grabs Hogan’s ankle as he goes to the middle rope, and it’s enough for Slaughter to hit Hogan in the midsection. Hogan slams Sgt. Slaughter and hits two elbow drops. General Adnan grabs the leg again, this time Sgt. Slaughter slams Hulk Hogan down to the mat. Sgt. Slaughter clotheslines Hogan over to the floor and sends him into the ring post.

Sgt. Slaughter grabs another chair, hitting Hogan over the back with it. Sgt. Slaughter chokes Hogan out with a television cable on the floor and sends Hogan back into the ring. Sgt. Slaughter connects with shots on Hogan’s back and hits a backbreaker across his knee for 2. Sgt. Slaughter thought he had it won, he stomps at Hogan as he realises the match is still going and he drags Hogan away from the ropes. Sgt. Slaughter tries to turn Hogan over for the boston crab, Hulk Hogan is close to the ropes, but can he see it? It takes him some time but Hogan reaches to his side for the rope. Sgt. Slaughter thinks he has it won again, and Hulk Hogan is too injured to capitalise. Sgt. Slaughter targets Hogan’s back again with knee strikes, It’s Slaughter’s time to go to the top rope, and he lands on Hogan’s kidney. General Adnan distracts the referee as Slaughter chokes Hogan and goes for the cover. Hulk Hogan kicks out at 2. Sgt. Slaughter goes back to the chair out of desperation, hitting Hogan in the head. Slaughter covers for 2 as we see Hogan is bleeding from the forehead. Hulk Hogan tries to escape the onslaught, but Sgt. Slaughter knocks him down with a clothesline. Sgt. Slaughter stands over Hogan, putting on the Camel Clutch!  Slaughter breaks the hold and stomps on Hogan’s back before going back to the hold. General Adnan cheers from ringside as the crowd tries to will Hulk Hogan to his feet.

Hulk Hogan makes it to his feet, Sgt. Slaughter sends Hogan into the corner and he grabs the Iraqi flag. Sgt. Slaughter drapes the flag over Hogan and he covers 1, 2, Hulk Hogan kicks out! He tears the Iraqi flag and Hulks up as Sgt. Slaughter tries to keep his momentum going. Hulk Hogan points the finger and connects with his combination of right hands. Sgt. Slaughter is sent off the ropes into the Big Boot and the Leg Drop gets Hulk Hogan the victory.

WINNER: HULK HOGAN (NEW WWF Champion)

 For a match that is over 35 years old, this was really good. The ending was predictable but the journey there was better than it had any right to be. Sgt. Slaughter and Hulk Hogan were able to do a lot with not much, and it meant the match didn’t drag on as much as it could have.  [***] 5.75 /10