I could use the last 2 days of December to round my
Starrcade matches up to 10 reviews, but instead I'm going to hit two
WWE events that only happened once. Firstly, I'll bite the bullet and
look at a match from the December to Dismember event, the only ever
ECW brand PPV in their short run on television. It was bookmarked by
two decent matches (the main event booking, not so much, but as a
match it wasn't terrible) but I'm just going to get one of the other
matches out of the way, because they're shorter and I'm really late
with this. Tazz and Joey Styles are on commentary for this match.
Strikers Rules is essentially a reverse Extreme Rules match. Striker comes out first, he was recently forced to resign as a school
teacher as he used his sick days to wrestle instead.
Matt Striker has a
microphone and calls the crowd his students as Joey Styles mocks his
sweater vest. He wants to restore order to the violent ECW. He teases
an Extreme Rules match, which gets a mixed reaction then clarifies
it's a strict enforcement of rules including hair pulling, eye
gouging and Bill Watts' favourite, no moves from the top rope. Then
adds foul language. To be fair if there's one group of people that
need restraint on foul language it's teachers. That must be the
hardest part of their job. He reminds the fans of the last rule as
they chant for his opponent. Balls Mahoney comes out and Striker
bails to the floor, where Tazz notices Striker's own face plastered
on his arsecheeks and sets Styles up for the line of the night “You
gotta wonder about a man that wants to sit on his own face”
Matt
Striker VS. Balls Mahoney (Striker's Rules)
ECW
December to Dismember (3rd December 2006)
© WWE
The bell rings
and they circle. Balls Mahoney trips Striker with a single-leg but
Striker crawls to the rope, grapevining it as Mahoney releases. The
cameraman is determined that we see what it was that made Tazz laugh a
minute ago and Striker gets to his feet. They lock up and Striker
backs Mahoney into the ropes. He gets a couple of shots in but Balls
reverses an irish whip and barely leapfrogs Striker, who runs into a
hip toss when the surprise wears off. Balls Mahoney gets an armbar,
but Striker quickly gets to the ropes and slides out to the apron.
The referee strictly enforces the count-out rule until Striker is back
through the ropes, the fans chant for Balls, but he looks away for a
second and gets slapped right in the mush. Striker sends Balls Mahoney
into the corner. Mahoney sends him across the ring to the opposite
corner but runs his shoulder into the post, giving Matt Striker a
target. Striker brings Mahoney down with a falling armbreaker, then
just falls backwards onto the arm. It's not stupid if it works, I
guess.
Matt Striker
brings Balls Mahoney up to his feet, still controlling the arm, Balls
Mahoney looks to be getting out of the hold so Striker brings him
down by the hair. He's a heel because he makes these rules, then
shows it in the match by breaking them, OK then. He drops the elbow
on Mahoney's arm, then stomps it before rolling over Mahoney to slam
his arm into the mat as the fans tell him he sucks. I hope they're
not expecting the rest of the night to get better. Mahoney can't get
to his feet in the armbar, so rolls Striker up for 2. Striker is
quick with a neckbreaker and gets a 2 count himself, then goes back
to the arm with falling elbow drops and, well just falling. He puts
on a top wristlock, keeping his weight over Balls Mahoney, the crowd
tries to get Balls to his feet but Striker drives his arm into the mat.
Striker drives his own shoulder into the softened arm of Mahoney,
then sends him into the corner with his shoulder hitting the
turnbuckle. Balls Mahoney gets the boot up as Striker charges and
gets some jabs in, but is cut off with a kick to the gut.
Matt Striker
brings Mahoney down to the mat with another armbar but Balls rolls
through and gets to his feet, going back to the jabs. I'm surprised
closed fists aren't on Striker's list. Balls' shoulder gives in before
he can get too much momentum and Striker hits the shoulder but runs
into a sidewalk slam. Balls Mahoney climbs to the top rope as the
referee reminds him it's against the rules because teachers hate fun.
Striker shakes the rope behind the referee's back, crotching Balls on
the top rope momentarily before he falls to the canvas. Striker rolls
into another armbar on the mat, bridging back to add more pressure,
but Mahoney eventually makes it to the ropes. Matt Striker uses as
much of the 5 count as he can before releasing. Balls Mahoney brings
Striker into a back suplex and begins using his right hand (the
non-targeted side) to jab at Striker this time. He sends Striker into
the ropes and barely gets him over with a one-armed backdrop. He
completes the combination of jabs on this attempt and sends Striker
into the ropes, but ducks too early and gets kicked in the face by
Striker. Matt Striker runs into a sitout spinebuster and Mahoney wins
the match.
WINNER: BALLS
MAHONEY
I see where they were going with Striker's character
and it could have had some potential if it wasn't “change the
channel” heat. It also wasn't particularly necessary with WWE's
sanitised version of ECW, but a series of matches against hardcore
wrestlers would have worked well for him in a parallel universe. As
for the match itself, Striker got 90% of the offense and lost to a
move from a one-armed man (figuratively). Not only did Striker lose
this match, but anyone that ordered the pay-per-view must also be
considered honorary losers alongside him.– * ½ match but
personally 0.5/10
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