Vince McMahon and Gorilla Monsoon are on commentary for
this match. The King's court consists of Captain Jerry Lawler,
Sleazy, Queasy and Cheesy. Clowns `R' Us includes Captain Doink the
Clown, Dink, Pink, and Stink. Jerry Lawler grabs the mic in the ring
but is interrupted by the entrance of the clowns. Lawler and Doink
must face-off, leaving the little people to each other.
The
Royal Family VS. Clowns `R' us
WWF
Survivor Series 1994 (23rd November 1994)
The captains begin, with the
fans chanting “Burger King” at Lawler. They lock up and Doink
backs King into the ropes, breaking clean. Lawler is backed into the
ropes a second time, then sent across the ring. He catches Doink's
boot but gets caught with an enziguri. Jerry Lawler goes over
to his corner for his partners, Cheesy is the one with no facial
hair, for anyone who watches the match. Lawler backs Doink into the
ropes and sends him across the ring, Lawler's boot is caught and
Doink the Clown outsmarts Lawler, ducking the enziguri. Doink
seemingly working King's nose so far. He switches it up, which I say
is a smart move, going for Lawler's arm. Doink takes Lawler down and
the little clowns run over Lawler to taunt his team. Lawler's own
team run over him but are sent back to their corner by the referee.
Jerry Lawler shouts at his team for not having a brain cell between
them and somewhere 5 year old me is laughing. Jerry Lawler wrings at
Doink's arm and drags him down by the hair, he tells his team to run
over Doink and they do, but Doink trips the first one and they fall
into each other. Lawler shouts at his team again. Burger King chants
start again. Doink hits Lawler with three slams, Lawler tries to get
up, but drops and each of the little guys get a nearfall counted by
Doink. One of them runs over Lawler and he tries to copy, but one of
the little guys sends him over.
I don't know what Lawler did
to deserve this match, but he honestly does have a great legacy
before WWF. Jerry “The King” Lawler is taken down in an arm drag
and a Burger King crown is placed on his head. Jerry Lawler wants one
of the little guys in the ring so the green masked clown comes in,
riding Doink's shoulders. Lawler brings Sleazy in (the one with dark
hair) and gets on his shoulders but faceplants. Jerry Lawler wants a
test of strength, Doink eventually agrees and Lawler brings Cheezy
into the ring, one of the clowns cuts him off, bringing in another
clown and Weezy. The little guys criss-cross as Lawler and Doink get
out of the way. The clowns change direction and take the others down.
Lawler has more words for his team as Doink confers in his corner.
Jerry Lawler is passed something from one of his teammates, he hits
Doink in the head with it and hides it in his singlet before the
referee really notices. Doink's head is sent into the turnbuckle.
Cheezy and Queasy choke Doink over the middle rope as Lawler
distracts the referee. Jerry Lawler calls for assistance but Doink
reverses it and sends Lawler into the corner with right hands. The
clowns chase The Royals around the apron and Lawler runs into a back
elbow in the ring. Jerry Lawler reverses an irish whip but Doink
lands on the middle rope, hitting a crossbody. Lawler rolls through
and uses the tights to eliminate Doink the Clown.
Jerry Lawler now has to stay
on the apron, as the referee explains to him. Queasy (light hair and
tash) is now in with Dink, the green wigged clown. Queasy controls
the arm, biting Dink's fingers when the referee isn't looking. Dink
bites him on the backside right in front of the referee and gets away
with it. Jerry Lawler complains to the referee as McMahon
sarcastically says Lawler hates cheats. Queasy (light hair, goattee)
and Wink (yellow wig) are in now, Wink blatantly grabs Cheezy's beard
and walks him over to tag Dink back in. Dink axe handle's the goattee
from the top rope before he sends Cheezy into the corner. They come
out of the corner with a poor monkey flip attempt by Dink before Wink
tags back in. It turns out the goattee man is Queasy, he gets sent
into the Royals corner, Lawler holds him in the corner to counter
another monkey flip and Lawler puts his weight on the pin to
eliminate Wink. Pink enters the match, performing a cartwheel. Sleazy
tries the same but falls over, angering Lawler so Cheazy (light hair
brown tash) is in. He slams Pink. Queasy spins Pink on his head and
Lawler drops Cheazy onto Pink for the elimination. I didn't
anticipate hoping for Lawler's team to win in a clean sweep, but here
I am.
Dink is the only man left on
his team, but Pink darts under the ring instead of leaving. Sleazy
tags in but takes a chop, Dink drops him with a clubbing blow and
follows with a jumping axe handle. Dink throws Sleazy out of a suplex
and jumps on him with an elbow drop. Queasy tries to run interference
but is knocked down, as does Cheesy. Cheesy and Queasy knock noggins
before Dink turns back to Sleazy, slamming him from a suplex this
time. Dink hits a crossbody from the top rope but Lawler tries to
interfere, getting intercepted by the referee. One of his partners
rolls Sleazy through as the referee turns around to count the win.
WINNERS: The King's Court
This was a short match. There, I said something
positive. It was supposed comic relief that didn't stick with me and
must be on the shortlist for most pointless Survivor Series matches
in history.– As a match it's ** stars, but personally I'd rate it
1/10
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